I am broken beyond words today! As I write I feel like the whole world is against me right now.
Writing for me is like therapy, writing allows me to release things I otherwise would, couldn’t or perhaps shouldn’t say.
I have come to a point in my life where I’m tired and I’m worn out. I’m pretty much single handedly bringing up three children whilst running my little farm and in the background have other businesses running to make ends meet.
For years now I’ve just kept going. I’ve papered over the cracks; I’ve tried to change things, improve things, take more control of things and try to give less fucks about things!
This method has not been overly successful. The cracks are now showing some serious subsidence, the changes have gone unnoticed, I’m yet to see an improvement, if you have seen me in public with three kids you will realise I’m definitely not in control and although I probably look like I couldn’t care less, most days I want to liberate the shotgun from the cupboard and ram it up the arses of people that have pissed me off that day! (No humans have been harmed to date promise).
So what now? What is the answer in this crazy world we live in? Hiding under a stone is apparently not a viable option, and the shot gun ramming would have longer term consequences!
Whilst routinely self medicating with various gins and wines I have found that whilst sometimes I literally do find an answer in the bottom of a bottle, this is rare and more often than not I end up feeling like I’ve been hit by a 7.5 tonne truck and my parenting skills for the following 24 hours are questionable leading to even more Mum guilt or feelings of failure.
I have really no idea why I have put this all down on paper. You probably think by now I’m a lunatic but I think I just needed to say something out loud!
So if you to are a Mum, Dad, business owner or just someone struggling through life and wondering what the answer to it all is – my apologies I’ve not given you any kind of answer or ways to help.
All I can say is that I think this is the new norm, those feelings of being a bit overwhelmed is what everyone feels like at some point in their life.
We’re all in this together and perhaps if we all took a bit of time to think about others, check in with our friends and contacts and just tried to make sure our own actions didn’t mean that you were adding to someone else’s work load, then maybe life would be a tad easier.
For those days that are not a tad easier and the shot gun is your preferred option, I have a cracking list of gins that I can prescribe for some good quality self medicating gin drinking! Please drink responsibly though – the 7.5 tonne truck will be with you in the morning otherwise and Mum guilt sucks.
Now the words are on paper I feel like a little something has shifted and things feel a little calmer, writing is my therapy, I recommend you try it, hand in hand with a gin of course.